I posted this on my blog site today also, but it is very appropriate for this great site. I’m also very curious what “interview stories” are out there…
I am a dad of 2 beautiful girls, and I am dreading the whole dating scene. Being a former “dater” and “boyfriend” myself, I know what goes on in a young man’s mind when at the age of dating. I remember one “interview” I had with one girl’s dad I was dating. He basically took me into his office where he had some hunting trophies on his wall, pointed to a bare spot on the wall, and said, “that spot is reserved for YOUR head, if you do anything with my daughter.” Yeah, not gonna forget that talk anytime soon…
Luckily, I have acquired my grandfather’s shot gun and have it on standby in order to get the attention of the boys who attempt to come “a-courtin”. Comedian Ken Davis has the whole father-dating issue figured out. He says, “…use the shotgun on the first boy that comes calling for your daughter. Leave the body on the front porch as a deterrent for any other boys that may come along. They will come to the house, see what’s on the porch and say, ‘Nope, she ain’t worth that!!!’ “
Ok, I’m not going to shoot anyone (hmmm), but one of the activities I plan to employ as a father is the old “date interview.” I actually plan to have some fun with them, but at the same time address a very serious issue of dating and my daughters. The shotgun will definitely be within eyesight of any boy that is brave (or insane) enough to ask me to date one of my girls.
The reason this has come to mind is that this week Dennis Rainey of Family Life Today has been going through a radio/podcast series about interviewing your daughters date. (I encourage you to download the podcasts for this week from their site! – they are great!) In the last broadcast, he presented the 8 points to interviewing your daughter’s date, which he has covered in his book – “Interviewing your daughters date.” Here are the 8 points Dr. Rainey emphasis when talking with your daughter’s date:
Point #1 – “A woman is God’s beautiful creation to be treated with nobility, kindness, care and respect.”
Point #2 – “The attraction of a young man to a young woman is both normal and very good.”
Point #3 – “I understand and remember the sex drive of a young man at 18 is really like.”
Point #4 – “I’m going to hold you accountable for your relationship with my daughter. (I reserve the right to ask you any questions I want!)”
Point #5 – “I challenge you as a young man to set a different standard for this relationship than the world would. (You will guard my daughters innocence, sexually and emotionally.)”
Point #6 – “I want to respect the dignity of my daughter by keeping your hands off my daughter.”
Point #7 – “Do you understand everything I have just said? Can we shake on it?”
Point #8 – “When you are a dad, I challenge your children someday to abide by these standards and to interview their dates.”
Even though I realize that I won’t be dealing with this issue for another 37 years, (ok, 13… maybe) I understand that my girls need me to be prepared for that time when I do meet their dates, and I can only be prepared through God’s grace and wisdom. I am already praying for my girls’ future husbands, that they will be Godly men and proper leaders for the home they will establish. But I know I must also take an active approach to protecting my girls during that very difficult (and getting more complicated by the day!) time of growing up.
For any of you fathers out there, any suggestions or stories you may want to share would be greatly appreciated! And for you young and new fathers, we all in this together, so let’s lift up each other in prayer.
And meet at the shooting range on Saturday for a little practice…
Filed under: Mike Crawford | Tagged: Family Life Today, Fatherhood, Ken Davis, Mike Crawford, Podcasts, Wisdom
Thanks Mike. I’ve got 3 daughters myself and those years are not ones that I’m looking forward to. However, preparing ourselves (us and our daughters) for that time will do nothing but help.
Thanks for the podcast link – as a dad of two girls I’m always (with great hesitation) looking for stuff like this.
Whenever we talk with friends about dating my standard line is that the girls can start dating whenever they’d like but they can’t shower until they’re 30
That will make everything okay, won’t it?!!
Thanks dude. Helpful info, considering my 13 year old is RAPIDLY approaching date status. I’m going with the shotgun/shower method.
Listening to the podcast now, and just added it to the GodsMac.com Friends directory (feel free to suggest sites there as well). Thanks!
A girl I dated in high school had a dad that had “the meeting” with me. To be honest, it upset me quite a bit when it happened. The problem was that he already knew me quite a bit, and it was obvious that he was in it for himself and wanted to be feared. The big issue I have with this “scare tactic” is that the father isn’t going to be on the dates. Sure, he might be at the door waiting at 10 pm for her to be dropped off, but did he ever want to hang out with me or get to know me outside of my relationship with his daughter……..not a chance. I do believe that “the meeting” should happen, but maybe not just once.
I might suggest maybe having a young man over to meet the family for a cookout or something, and then have “the meeting”. And maybe then – have the meeting somewhere more casual than in a living room or office. The big question for me has always been if it’s about the ego for the father?
I personally take my girls out on dates at the moment, so there will hopefully be fewer questions of what kind of individual they accept down the road.
The father of one of the girls I dated in high school HATED me (imagine that). It didn’t help that the Ford Fairmont I drove had a MAJOR oil leak and they had a new, cement driveway. I left a few ink blot test stains on said driveway. It was all downhill from there. I literally had to park down the street and walk to her house to pick her up.
He never took the time to even meet me. I’m not sure he even knew my name.
I agree with Gabe though. The girls must know that they are a princess and a “beauty to be rescued” (Eldredge). They seek the validation and approval that our boys do. It’s important that as fathers, we let them know that.
Just yesterday my 2 year old was getting all dressed up in her “Princess Gear” (or whatever you call it). She told my wife “I show Daddy” and made the trip up the stairs from the basement to make sure I could see her (luckily she didn’t fall on those plastic high heel shoes).
We’ve gotta “set the bar”. They are more than worth it!
Awesome stories, guys! It just goes to show how important our roles as Fathers, and future father-in-laws, are and how seriously we have to take it. If God is not involved in that part of our “Fatherhood”, we are setting up our little “Princesses” for failure…
Focus on the family has a message by Dr. David Jeremiah that is called “No Substitute for Daddy’s Love” that I highly recommend. (If you are a crier – this message will put you over the top) DEFINITELY worth the $9 for the CD.
Oh, and Aaron -
I remember many-a-guy that left oil stains on my dad’s cement driveway. And I remember the scrub marks that followed once he got a hold of them…
I forgot about this, but I had a great interview with a friend who has three daughters like I do and gave me a few tips on starting the dating early. I just threw Episode #2 on http://www.GodsMac.com . You can listen using the player that is accessible in our Episodes directory or subscribe on iTunes and grab it there. Feel free to FF through the old tech news at the beginning, lol.
Great thoughts, guys. My daughter is 18, so I’ve been through everthing you all are talking about. I could write volumes on how proud I am of her and what a fine young lady she has turned out to be. Has it been all roses? Has it always been easy? Of course not. Love her and give her every reason to respect you. Regardless how small you think her problems are, they are HUGE to her. Listen. She needs to know she can trust you and that she matters. And the many times you think you’re talking to a brick wall and not getting through…keep talking. She’s hearing more than you think.
David…that is just rich. Thank you for sharing the journey and shedding some light on the path that we will embark on one day. Man that is great wisdom.
I am already driving my dear wife crazy with my dating concerns and our daughter is only 22 months old! These are some great discussions that need to be had not only from father’s to daughters but also for father’s of sons so that they are able to raise their teenage boys to become men of integrity.
Just to throw in my two cents, a friend who has three pre-teen daughters is bringing up his girls with the understanding that before any date ever takes place the boy is to have dinner with the daughters family. Sounds like a great place for some serious discussion.
[...] of AC180 has a post discussing Dennis Rainey’s thoughts on interviewing your daughter’s dates. The discussion centers around the idea that a father should do just that, interview any boy that [...]